And Especially Not A “Baby Mama”
Like anyone, when I separated from my husband I was devastated. No one wants a failed marriage, but I struggled even more with the idea of being a single parent and the “Baby Mama” stigma. Honestly, I was just so concerned about how people would view me and what they would say.
I quickly learned that I had to get over what people would think of me and not be concerned with what they would say. I am sure there are many people who are okay with these terms, but I personally did not see them as empowering or endearing. I did not set out on this journey alone, so why should I be labeled as doing it alone? Oh and let’s not forget the time I was introduced as my ex-husband’s “Baby Mama“….God bless the person whose mouth those words came out of. I politely, well maybe not, shared that I was not a baby mama and expected that he would never introduce me as that ever again!
Today I stand here and consider myself as one of Kaiden’s parents or simply…his mother, but not a single parent or baby mama. Here are 5 reasons why…
1. He has a Father
My son has a father that helped bring him into this world. As long as I have breathe in my body, I will hold him to a high standard of being just that. He may not like it at times, but that is a post for another day lol.
2. My Support System
One day I used the term single parent when speaking to my parents and my mother stopped me. She said, “Nicole you are not alone in this, you have a great support system.” And honestly, she is so right! How could I ever feel alone with this amazing group of people that are hear to help me. I am truly blessed beyond measure with the help I receive from my support system.
3. Negative Stereotype
I don’t find anything positive in being called a Baby Mama. Over the years there have been very negative connotations associated with the term and I just refuse to feed into it.
For those of us that are divorced or going through a divorce, you know that you are dealing with a realm of emotions that you just can’t describe or expect anyone to understand. In the simplest terms, words can be defeating. We need to be encouraged and surrounded by positive things. No one sets out to have a failed marriage or having to parent without their spouse. Learning to accept the word ex-wife is hard enough. Single parent takes it to a different level, because it describes you and your child(ten).Hearing these words can be so defeating and discouraging during your journey. Learn to accept what you are going through, but you do not have to be defined by single parent or baby mama. You are so much more than that!!!
5. My Role
We all have a role in life. In this situation, my role is Mother. Your responsibilities for your child(ren) are still the same whether you are married, divorced in a serious relationship or single. Single Mother just isn’t a role.
Now I know there are some that won’t prescribe to my way of thinking and that is fine. My goal here is to help someone that is in a similar place as I was. Embrace motherhood, clear your mind of negative thoughts and live in the moment! Your role is not defined by your relationship status, but the love you have for your little one!